What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 06:25
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
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She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I think the readers, may guess!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
It was going to be , some day.
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As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
All the time i was locked up.
My friend asked my crush and he said my crush hates me but not in a rude way. What does that mean?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Why do older siblings always hate younger siblings?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
What are the 10 things you regret doing in your life?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She found it foreign!.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
How do you write a letter to your uncle who sent you money for your birthday outfit?
My family never makes their pension either.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Why are leftist movements so popular among young people?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
So whats the point in blame.
Im still living with it.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was scared of men, in general
I waited trembling.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Why are most girls not open to the idea of anal sex?
Comes on , in middle age.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Ive learnt so much.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He was dying to do it , i knew.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Why did i forgive my father ?
Put me off passion for life!!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She was in good health!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
So, i spoilt her more .
When she asked me how she looked .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I was 9 years of age.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I never cut or harmed myself..
But ive been too sick for many years..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
My life is so biszare .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
This is soul school!.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I will be 64.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I was seconnd youngest,
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Especially a lifetime of it.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He resisted the act ,that day.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But it wasn’t much.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She loved him until the end.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But, we were locked up after school.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
We were not on the streets..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
We all went to grammer schools
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
One cannot live in the past .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Was to survive, this bastard.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She wouldn,t have been !
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I couldn’t, believe it.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He knew the spot.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I have no regrets .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Would this be the day?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I write beautiful poetry .
I was very sick at this time too.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I don,t even have a pension.
Who then, do I blame.?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She married twice! .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
What did i know ?
I could never make a relationship work though!
And i lived it daily.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I said to her
I know ,a lot about trauma.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.